The truth, Nothing but the truth!

         This may indeed cost me my status as a meower, it would
be a sad loss, but the truth is an ideal I personally hold more
sacred than that of meow.

     Some time last year, Gareth Gee, after suffering for years
with 'elmer fudds' syndrome died in a horrible accident
involving, if I remember right, 9 and 1/2 tons of skittles.
     Seizing a golden opportunity, meow central had him replaced
by one of the many John Housmanns.

     For the last few months John (shorty) Housmann has been
posting as the late Gareth Gee.

     It has been an arduous endeavor, each day shorty goes to his
small office in the empire state building and dictates
instructions via a secret telephone link to one of his most
trusted aids.

     "If it wasn't for Burbank," he told me "I'd be quite lost.
Sometimes I slip up and post something intelligent, Burbank
always catches it though, the man makes me out to be a perfect
idiot."

     "It's really too bad Gee died when he did, not that he could
ever win at any thing, do you know he told me that when he was
five years old he made a set of those tin can and string
telephones"

     "So?"

     "He was so excited, he picks up one can, holds it to his
ear, and hears 'Fuckhead', it embittered him for life"

     "So, now you continue his work?"

     "with a bit of a twist, of course, he never could get any
good flamers into his little joke group, and why should they,
even an alsoran like you is too smart to join the HFW"

     "Alsoran?"

     "No offense, remember, I have to stay in character"

     "Oh, yeah, he he, funny."

     "Now, we actively discourage good flamers from joining"

     "I had noticed that trend."

     "Close one last week," he mused "you know if we hadn't of
pissed off Top Jimmy it could have all come undone."

     "Personally, I thought that your Handling of the Cribbin and
Zanka thing was nothing short of brilliant"

     He laughed maniacally, and his face lit up briefly from the
glow of his girasol ring.  "Yes, I thought for a while we'd have
to recruit Palmer, it was our first code 3, but BDZ came through
for us again.  He does a marvelous job don't you think?"

     "He has certainly got Palmjob beat on that particular lame,
did he learn on his own or was he coached by Ravon?"

     "Ah, that would be telling, oh why not, they are all
original, I have Burbank help him with all the big words though."

     "I'm still surprised that you're telling me all this."

     "I want to gloat, besides who will believe you if you do
post this, you're a newbee, I'll just deny everything, cloud
their minds and no-one will ever accept that this interview ever
happened."

     And he's probably right.